Banani loses his memory.

by

Part 1/9

Three scientists — Papaia, Banani, and Ravioli — and their assistant Igor, who work at NASAL, begin to take an interest in creationism. Their superiors, worried, send them to a psychologist, Professor Faggioli, a shady character determined to get them fired by making them seem insane.

We’re in Professor Faggioli’s office. It’s Banani’s turn.

FAGGIOLI

I see we’re having issues with explosives.

BANANI

I wouldn’t exactly call them “issues.”

FAGGIOLI

Oh, no? And what would you call them, then? 🤣

BANANI

I don’t know… it’s more like… a result I frequently get!

FAGGIOLI

You realize this could stem from your subconscious. We need to dig deeper. Any recent events you’d like to tell me about?

BANANI

Well… now that I think of it… yes.

There was something. It happened just recently.

FLASHBACK. Banani’s garage. A few months ago.

Banani is building a strange contraption.

IGOR

Before we blow up along with that machine… can you tell me what it is? 🤣

BANANI

It’s a K-wave amplifier.

IGOR

K-waves? What are those? Never heard of them…

BANANI

Me neither! That’s why I built this machine! 🤣

IGOR

So you basically have no idea what you’re doing! 🤣

BANANI

What are you talking about, Igor? Look at this… a couple of screws here… a bolt there… tighten it… a bit of duct tape… and done!

IGOR

Are you sure this is a good idea, Banani?

BANANI

Igor, trust me. Duct tape is the backbone of science. No failures today. Only explosive progress! 🤣

IGOR

…Did you just say “explosive”?

BANANI

Metaphorically!

FAGGIOLI (voice-over): Hmm… Interesting! 🤣

Banani connects two exposed wires that start to spark. A red blinking light turns on in the device.

BANANI

It’s working! It’s working! Ah ah ah—! 🤣

BOOM!

IGOR:

Does Banani have a problem with explosives? Not at all! Banani is absolutely in favor! 🤣

…When I saw that gadget in Banani’s garage, I had no idea what it was. And apparently, neither did its inventor! 🤣

…The only certainty was that thing was going to explode! 🤣

…Like everything built in Banani’s garage, after all. 🤣

…Even Banani, subconsciously, knew what was about to happen — an explosion! 🤣

…Yes, Banani! Definitely explosive progress! 🤣

…I mean… progress within the blast radius! 🤣

…Wider and wider with each new experiment! 🤣

…Faggioli had noticed it and was already taking notes… certainly, for his research, an explosive revelation! 🤣

…Now, Banani’s last words before the incident were “It’s working.” Really? You’re telling me the goal was to light up a red LED?! 🤣

…Bravo! But next time, let’s use a battery, not nitroglycerin! 🤣

Part 2/9

Banani’s Living Room – a few minutes later.

Banani is sitting in an armchair, looking confused.

Around him are his wife, two children, and his parents.

On the coffee table are old family photos, albums, and cherished items.

Dad:

What happened?

Mom:

I don’t know. The usual explosion in the garage… and now… he doesn’t remember anything.

Wife:

Banani… look at this. It’s our honeymoon in Venice. Do you remember? Look, that’s you wearing the gondolier’s hat!

Banani:

He looks… happy. But… no. I’m sorry.

Son:

And this? It’s the robot you built for my school! His name was… Rollatron! 🤣

Banani:

Rollatron… that’s a funny name. But it doesn’t ring a bell.

Banani’s Mom:

Sweetie, we went to that park every Sunday for twenty years. You even hid a birthday cake in a bush once, remember? 🤣

Banani:

A cake in a bush? That does sound like something I’d do…

Banani clutches his head, but still can’t remember anything.

After a few hours, the family has lost hope.

Banani’s Dad:

We’ve tried everything. Photos, stories, smells, music. Nothing works.

Silence. His wife sighs, gets up, and begins tidying. As she puts things away, a roll of tape accidentally falls to the floor and rolls to Banani’s feet.

Banani:

(picking up the roll)

…What is… this?

Wife:

Oh, that’s just… your usual tape. You put it everywhere. Even on the coffee machine. 🤣

Banani:

(jumping up)

No. No no no. That’s not “just tape.” It’s… It’s the solution! It’s EVERYTHING!

Son:

Dad??

Banani:

The tape! Now I remember everything! 🤣

I built a rocket with it. Fixed the shower. Muzzled a raccoon with it! 🤣

…The tape… it’s… it’s part of me! 🤣

Banani’s Mom:

(amazed) … there it is.

Banani:

(looking at his hands, then the roll)

My name is Banani. And I… I fix things with tape! 🤣

Everyone:

(sighs, laughs, cries)

Banani:

(pause)

But now… who blew up the garage? 🤣

Wife:

You did. And also the microwave. And the hamster. 🤣

Banani:

Ah. Good. I’m back. Prepare the tape. 🤣

Part 3/9

Igor: What was Banani’s robot called again? Rollatron? 🤣

…Knowing Banani, I’d say that name was more than fitting! 🤣

…Rollatron! What kind of name is that for a robot? 🤣

…Sounds more like the name of a Transformer made out of a roll of tape and a forgotten sandwich. 🤣

…Can you picture it? Like, hair curlers instead of arms! 🤣

…The neighbor’s cat bowl as a head! 🤣

…Maybe even a smiley emoji drawn on it with a marker! 🤣

…And the legs? Two 1.5-liter soda bottles! 🤣

…Filled with sand and rice! And one probably had a hole in it! 🤣

…Poor Rollatron limped and even leaked from one foot! 🤣

…If you lost him, you just had to follow the trail of sand he left behind! 🤣

…Losing him? Nearly impossible! Rollatron limped! 🤣

…Half the time he fell over halfway down the hall. 🤣

…He looked like Banani’s drunk uncle coming home from the bar on a Saturday night! 🤣

…And the body? An empty can of corn? 🤣

…No! Worse! Three pizza boxes! 🤣

…Taped together… of course! 🤣

…From one of Banani’s mom’s lazy nights! 🤣

…Still with tomato stains on them! 🤣

…And crusty chunks of mozzarella! 🤣

…At night they had to wrap him in cling film. Otherwise, he’d attract ants and bugs! 🤣

…Banani even designed a sword. The blade was a broken ruler! 🤣

…That he’d kept since third grade! 🤣

…The handle? An empty toilet paper roll! 🤣

…One of the arms had a secret move with a rubber band! 🤣

…But if you pulled too hard, it would fly off with the sword! 🤣

…And the whole thing, of course, held together by tape! 🤣

…Tape, obviously. The soul of Rollatron! 🤣

Part 4/9

Back to Faggioli.

FAGGIOLI

You know, Banani… there’s something that keeps coming up in your stories.

BANANI

Genius?

FAGGIOLI

No. Tape.

Banani lights up like a lightbulb powered by a wobbly dynamo.

BANANI

Tape! The most underrated tool in the universe! It holds together rockets, toasters, dams, broken hearts… 🤣

FAGGIOLI (cutting him off)

What’s your favorite brand?

BANANI

The MegaFix 9000, Pro version. Industrial gray. Waterproof, fireproof, and resistant to currents up to 1000 Watts. 🤣

FAGGIOLI

And… how long is a roll?

BANANI

23.7 meters.

FAGGIOLI

Country of manufacture?

BANANI

Glasgow, southern Scotland.

FAGGIOLI

Number of production plants?

BANANI

Only one. The rest are warehouses.

FAGGIOLI

Number of workers?

BANANI

About 1,223, according to September data.

FAGGIOLI

Stock market value?

BANANI

Currently at $7.32, down 0.7%.

FAGGIOLI

Color of the president’s tie at the last conference?

BANANI

Wine red. With tiny black flowers.

FAGGIOLI (stunned)

I’m… impressed.

FAGGIOLI (thinking)

Twenty-three point seven! What now? He’ll find out I’m a fraud! 🤣

Faggioli tries to suppress a panic attack. But from under the desk… emerges TONY THE SOCK.

TONY

Ooooh, look who’s here! The little engineer of the magic tape!

“Let’s tape this, tape that!”

And then BOOM! Everything explodes, and you know why?

Pause.

TONY

Because… TAPE SUCKS! 🤣

HA HA HA! TAPE SUCKS!

AND YOU SUCK AS AN INVENTOR!

HA HA HA! BANANI AND HIS TAPE!

HA HA HA!

Banani freezes. His expression darkens.

BANANI (offended)

Tape… doesn’t suck! 🤣

It’s an art. A philosophy. A way of life.

Silence. Faggioli calms down. Tony slinks back onto the desk, satisfied. For now, balance is restored.

IGOR:

The MegaFix 9000 could withstand up to 1000 Watts of current.

Did Banani test it… maybe on himself? 🤣

…Faggioli’s afraid that if his patients answer his own questions too well, they’ll realize he’s incompetent.

Faggioli! No need for tricks—your patients figure out your incompetence right away! 🤣

…Tony says tape sucks, Banani says tape doesn’t suck.

And me? What do I think?

I don’t know, I’ve never tasted it! 🤣

Part 5/9

Meanwhile, in the waiting room, Papaia and Ravioli are talking about a book Banani found, on the geological evidence for Noah’s flood.

RAVIOLI:

So how does secular geology explain those layers?

PAPAIA:

The conventional explanation is that, under the pressure and heat of burial, the hardened layers of sandstone and limestone bent so slowly that they behaved plastically and didn’t break.

RAVIOLI:

And… is that even possible?

PAPAIA:

Yes. However, pressure and heat should have caused detectable changes in the minerals of these rocks—clear signs of metamorphism.

RAVIOLI:

Let me guess… those signs aren’t there!

PAPAIA:

Exactly! Those metamorphic minerals or recrystallizations that would result from plastic deformation just aren’t observed in these rocks. The sandstone and limestone in the folds are identical to sedimentary layers found elsewhere.

RAVIOLI:

A mystery for them, but for us—a piece of evidence!

PAPAIA:

The only logical conclusion is that the 440-million-year delay between deposition and folding never happened!

Instead, the Tapeats-to-Kaibab sequence was deposited rapidly at the beginning of the catastrophic global Flood described in Genesis, followed by the uplift of the Kaibab Plateau in the final months of the Flood.

Only that explains how the whole sequence bent without significant fracturing.

IGOR:

The only logical conclusion I see here…

is that if they don’t fire us, they’re transferring us to the Kaibab Plateau. 🤣

…Permanently! 🤣

Part 6/9

Back to Faggioli.

FAGGIOLI:

One last thing. You mentioned… a hamster that exploded?

BANANI:

Yes, his name was Fruffy. The kids were really attached to him… 🤣

FLASHBACK – Banani’s house. Last year.

We’re in the living room. Banani’s kids are sitting on the couch, hugging Fruffy’s cage.

SON:

Look how peacefully he sleeps! 🤣

DAUGHTER:

He’s on a scented cotton pillow. I made it myself!

SON:

Oh no! Look outside the window!

DAUGHTER:

No! Not again! I can’t believe it!

Two feline eyes shine in the darkness.

DAUGHTER (panicking):

Dad! The neighbor’s cat tried to get in again!

SON (shaking):

Dad… he wants to eat him. He wants to eat Fruffy!

BANANI (dead serious):

No one will ever touch that hamster again! 🤣

I already have an idea!

DAUGHTER:

Dad… please… no flamethrowers this time… 🤣

BANANI (offended):

What? That was just a prototype for roasting marshmallows remotely! 🤣

IGOR:

Yeah, yeah! The kids, so attached to the hamster!

How attached can you get to a hamster in two weeks? That’s the maximum lifespan of a hamster in the Banani household! 🤣

…That hamster wouldn’t have slept so soundly if it had known what was coming! 🤣

Part 7/9

It’s around midnight. We’re in the garage.

Banani is hunched over a workbench. In front of him: a net-shooting gun made of irrigation pipes, an industrial hairdryer, a roll of packing tape, and an optical mouse sensor.

Banani is recording voice notes on his phone.

BANANI (into phone):

Note… bait in position.

Banani has placed Fruffy as bait. 🤣

BANANI:

Note… I added a motion sensor. Once it’s triggered, the gun fires a sticky net made of tape. 🤣

…The cat comes in, the cage lifts, the net fires… mission accomplished!

He sets everything up carefully. Fruffy’s cage is suspended in mid-air, hanging from a pulley made out of a skate wheel.

BANANI (proudly):

Now we just open the door and wait…

He moves toward the door to open it, but the sensor picks up his own movement. 🤣

ROBOTIC VOICE:

Motion detected. Initiating protocol.

BANANI:

WHAT?! NO NO NO WAIT DON’T—

ZWWWFFFF!

The gun fires a net made entirely of tape. Banani gets wrapped up, slammed against the wall, and hangs like a Christmas ham.

BANANI (muffled):

I’d say something went a little wrong! 🤣

While struggling to free himself, he bumps the table with his shoulder.

BANANI:

Oh no… no no no no…

(looks at a small bottle on the edge)

The bottle labeled “Banani Bomb” – an explosive compound used to inflate balloons – falls, bounces, hits a toolbox, and…

…lands right inside Fruffy’s suspended cage.

BANANI (shouting):

FUUUUUUU—

💥 BOOM!

The cage explodes in a cloud of smoke and hamster fluff. 🤣

BANANI:

Oops! I blew up the hamster! 🤣

Meanwhile, the neighbor’s cat, sitting on the wall, watches the scene with total indifference.

It slowly licks its paw, yawns, and walks away. 🤣

Back in the garage. A few moments later, Banani’s kids enter, drawn by the noise.

They find Banani still taped to the wall, and the cage – still hanging – blackened and burst open from the explosion.

SON:

Dad? Where’s Fruffy?

BANANI:

Low orbit, I think. 🤣

DAUGHTER:

Ugh, Dad! That’s the third hamster… this month! 🤣

SON:

Don’t worry! You did your best, Dad. But next time, to scare off the cat… maybe just use a broom! 🤣

Back to Faggioli.

FAGGIOLI:

Your kids are very understanding. Others might’ve been upset!

BANANI:

Uh… let’s just say they’re used to it by now! 🤣

FAGGIOLI:

Tell me about your kids. Are they like you? I mean… in terms of explosions and tape?

BANANI:

No! Faggioli, they’re very diligent kids. They love studying and do well in school. I really can’t complain.

FAGGIOLI:

Good! Fewer notes for me to write. 🤣

Part 8/9

Igor: Perfect, Banani! What better plan to save a hamster from a predator than using the hamster as bait! 🤣

…maybe instead of putting him in a cage, you could’ve set him on a tray and covered him with a lid! 🤣

…“Here, kitty kitty! Dinner’s ready!” 🤣

…a net-shooting gun… or rather, a tape-shooting gun! What else would you expect from Banani and his “tape-centric” genius? 🤣

…Banani sets off the very sensor he installed. This isn’t even surprising anymore. After all the planning, the most obvious outcome is Banani caught in his own trap! 🤣

…classic Banani own goal! 🤣

…Banani, stuck to the wall and wrapped in a web of tape—of his own making—has the nerve to say: “I’d say something went wrong”! 🤣

…Not something, Banani—EVERYTHING! 🤣

…in Banani’s garage, along with his usual tools, we also find the “Banani Bomb”? 🤣

…And Banani wants us to believe he didn’t expect an explosion? 🤣

…And what does he use it for? To inflate balloons?! 🤣

…Picture Banani throwing a birthday party! Of course the balloons are filled with liquid hydrogen! 🤣

…And then handed out to children! 🤣

…with Banani warning them: “Be careful—don’t shake them too much!” 🤣

…naturally, the Banani Bomb ends up right in the hamster cage! 🤣

…when he placed that cage, it almost felt like Banani had calculated the trajectory subconsciously! 🤣

…If the hamster could talk, you know what he’d have said in that moment? RUN! 🤣

…No use spinning in your wheel, Fruffy! 🤣

…Once you’re part of a Banani experiment, your future has only two possible outcomes: you either blow up, or you end up in orbit! 🤣

…Or maybe both! 🤣

…When Banani saw the puff of fur and smoke, all he could say was: “Oops! I blew up the hamster!” 🤣

…Banani, how about you drop the “oops”? 🤣

…We all know your real goal was to blow something up! 🤣

…Hamster exploded, mission accomplished! 🤣

…Just another example of Banani family pets… sacrificed for science! 🤣

…Thank you for everything, Fruffy! 🤣

…We’ll miss you! You and the ten other hamsters who met the same fate before you! 🤣

…But your son gave you a real pearl of wisdom! Use a broom… just to be clear, Banani: that means for sweeping away the cat, not as a rocket for your next duct-tape-powered crossbow, okay? 🤣

…By then, Faggioli had heard so many absurdities, he had more than enough material! 🤣

…He was actually tired of writing! 🤣

…If Banani’s kids were anything like their father, Faggioli would’ve ended up with tendonitis! 🤣

…He didn’t just have enough stories to get Banani fired from NASAL, but enough to have him expelled from planet Earth! 🤣

…Which might’ve actually given him time to reflect—along with his loyal friends—on that infamous “orbital ejection trauma.” 🤣

Part 9/9

Meanwhile, in the waiting room, Papaia and Ravioli are talking about a book Banani found, about the geological evidence of Noah’s flood.

Papaia:

If the Earth’s fossil-bearing sedimentary layers were deposited over 460 million years, they couldn’t have bent without breaking.

Ravioli:

What solution do old-earth advocates propose?

Papaia:

Heat and pressure.

Ravioli:

Is that possible?

Papaia:

Yes, they can make even hard rock layers pliable.

Ravioli:

So they claim that’s what happened?

Papaia:

Exactly — for example, in the eastern Grand Canyon, where the sequence of many overlying layers supposedly compressed and heated these rocks.

Ravioli:

So we have an explanation.

Papaia:

There’s just one problem: the heat and pressure would have transformed these layers into quartzite, marble, and other metamorphic rocks.

Ravioli:

Yet the Tapeats Sandstone is still sandstone, a sedimentary rock!

Papaia:

Exactly.

Igor:

At this point I’m the one bending… to my knees… praying I won’t hear them say this again!

🤣🤣🤣