Part 1 / 10
Three scientists — Papaia, Banani, and Ravioli — and their assistant Igor, who work at NASAL, start taking an interest in creationism. Their superiors, alarmed, send them to see the psychologist, Professor Faggioli — a dubious figure determined to get them fired by making them seem insane.
NASAL. Faggioli’s Office. Papaia’s session.
Faggioli
Your family, Papaia, is, shall we say… peculiar!
Papaia
Well, let’s just say the neighbors never got bored with us around.
Faggioli
So, from what I’ve seen, your brothers Mino and Nino were completely irresponsible, and your sister Chantilly clearly showed, with her attraction to so-called “intense” types, the lack of a stable father figure. So I gather your father wasn’t very present.
Papaia
No. My father ran away from home when I was little.
Faggioli
How sad. A questionable decision.
Papaia
Well… let’s say he had his reasons…
FLASHBACK – Interior, Papaia family living room, late evening.
Dad and Mom are sitting on the couch, the TV is on with low volume.
They’re there like every evening: he’s reading the newspaper, she’s knitting and glancing at the crime section.
Mom (sighing):
Did you see someone broke the window again?
And yesterday someone put butter inside the VCR!
Dad (without looking up from his newspaper):
Bet it was Mino.
Mom (huffs):
And Nino sold the curtains to buy fireworks!
Dad
And Chantilly? Again this week, half a paycheck gone to her mail-order shopping! The only decent one is Papaia.
Mom
Not really! If they get into trouble, it’s his fault for not keeping them in check.
Dad
Come on! Not this again! Papaia’s only five! How could he possibly control them?
Mom
Here we go again! Haven’t I told you a thousand times that God gave him the gift of responsibility?
Dad
Yeah! Always the same excuse! The truth is you’re just dumping your responsibilities on that poor child!
Mom
Think what you like! But I’m the one who stays home with them all day. Not you. You leave in the morning and come back at night, and then you give me lectures?
Dad (calmly, in a tired tone):
Yes, and if I don’t go to work, who’s going to pay the bills, the groceries, and Chantilly’s shopping?
Mom
Oh, so now you’re throwing that in my face! As usual! Why don’t we switch roles for a change? I’ll go work and you stay home and do the cleaning? 🤣
Dad.
Your usual extreme ideas! That’s not how it works. Actually, these kids… just need a bit of discipline!
Sudden silence.
Mom slowly lowers her knitting needles.
She turns to her husband with a glacial stare.
Mom (dangerously calm):
…Excuse me?
Dad
Discipline. Punishments. For the other three. Not Papaia. He has nothing to do with it!
Mom (raises an eyebrow):
…Did you just say my children need discipline?
Dad (starts realizing he messed up):
Uh… well, technically they’re also mine, but—
Mom (jumps to her feet):
SINCE WHEN DO YOU GET TO DECIDE HOW TO RAISE THE KIDS?!
Huh? You, who last time tried to scold them and ended up with your head in the toilet?! 🤣
Dad (raises his hands):
I didn’t mean to offend anyone! I’m just saying maybe… I mean… perhaps…
Too late. Mom has already pulled out the baseball bat.
Mom
You know what I think about this discipline theory, Giambattista?
Dad (sweating):
Honey… put down the bat…
Mom:
NO! Now I’m going to explain pedagogy to you, baseball bat style!
Maybe next time you’ll think twice before speaking!
Dad (jumps up and runs for the door):
I’m out! I’M RUNNING FOR MY LIFE! 🤣
Mom (chasing him barefoot for three blocks):
AND DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING BACK!
Igor
What a lovely family portrait!
…When Mom suggested the role switch, for a moment poor Giambattista’s blood ran cold! 🤣
…Well said, Mrs. Papaia — maybe she should’ve brought the bat to work! 🤣
…At least she could’ve negotiated that raise Giambattista was too scared to ask for! 🤣
…When Mom said Dad would stay home with the kids, he immediately remembered the time he ended up with his head in the toilet! 🤣
…“I’m running for my life”? … yeah, yeah… they all say that, Mr. Papaia! 🤣
…Total nonsense — the real problem was that the toilet bowl was just too small for his head! 🤣
…Right, Mino and Nino? 🤣
…Or should we ask… right, Mrs. Papaia? 🤣
Part 2 /10
Part B. Mino’s Essay
BACK TO THE PRESENT – FAGGIOLI’S OFFICE
Papaia:
…And we never saw him again after that day.
Faggioli (taking notes):
Interesting. So your father had a… um… traumatic view of parenting.
Papaia:
He tried, but it was just too much for him — for anyone, really.
Faggioli:
So you don’t hold any resentment toward him… for leaving?
Papaia:
They’re hard feelings to describe, but in a way, I understand him now. Besides, to this day, he still sends us a generous pension.
Faggioli:
I see. (takes more notes) 🤣
Faggioli:
…Your mother was a woman… let’s say… very determined.
Tony:
More like a block of wood! Cracking heads with it! Ah, ah! 🤣
Papaia (embarrassed):
Uh… let’s just say she wasn’t one for compromises… 🤣
FLASHBACK – ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, TEACHER’S CLASSROOM
Teacher (serious tone):
Mrs. Papaia, we need to talk about Mino’s essay.
Mama (eyes wide open):
Another A+, I assume? 🤣
Teacher:
The essay is titled… “My Mommy Solves Problems with a Baseball Bat.”
(dramatic pause)
Don’t you think that’s… a bit troubling?
Mama (offended):
Troubling? What are you talking about?! He was writing about sports! Healthy, educational sports! 🤣
Teacher (flatly):
He wrote: “When Dad argues with Mom, she pulls out the baseball bat and he runs away from home.”
Mama (gritting her teeth):
It was a metaphor. A stylistically perfect one. 🤣
Teacher (snaps):
Ma’am, your children are spreading a very concerning image of your home environment. 🤣
We’ve already notified the principal.
Part 3 /10
Part C. Igor Responds to Mino’s Teacher
Igor:
So when Papaia justifies his dad running away by saying “he still sends us a good pension”, Faggioli took notes? Why? Was he planning to follow the example himself? 🤣
…here’s what Faggioli wrote down:
… Escape plan from home… relocate to the Bahamas! 🤣
… Goal: ditch all responsibility while keeping everyone happy! 🤣
… Step 1: drive wife nuts! 🤣
… Step 2: flee with a decent excuse! 🤣
… Step 3: pay a good pension! 🤣
… Step 4: wife and kids happy… and I retire in a tropical paradise! 🤣
…The only compromise Mrs. Papaia ever allowed during an argument was letting her husband choose where he wanted the bat to land! 🤣
…Arms? Or legs? 🤣
…Same options she gave the teacher whenever it turned out Mino’s supposed A+ wasn’t the reason she’d been called to school! 🤣
…And then there’s Mino’s essay: “Mommy Solves Problems with a Baseball Bat.” A text so stylistically perfect, it sparked debate over the bat itself. 🤣
…Was it a metaphor or a literal description? 🤣
…Sure, a lovely, solid metaphor — especially when it landed right on your knees! 🤣
…See, according to the teacher, the real issue wasn’t the mom actually swinging a bat in front of the kids. No! The real issue was that this might give a bad image of the family climate. 🤣
…Like… two kids chatting about their ideal family atmosphere. 🤣
…One says: “Well, for me it’s when we all have Christmas dinner, eat, laugh, and exchange presents under the tree.”
…But the other goes: “Nah, I think it’s when Mom breaks Dad’s collarbone.” 🤣
Part 4 /10
Part D. Igor Learned Everything
Waiting room.
Ravioli:
What other evidence is there?
Paco:
We’ve got folded rock layers.
Igor:
Yeah, and we saw that for them to fold like that, they had to still be malleable—but that wouldn’t be possible if each layer were millions of years younger than the one beneath it.
Ravioli:
Wow. Igor, you know this stuff too?
Igor:
Please, don’t talk about it anymore! I’m begging you! 🤣
Banani:
No worries, Paco knows the topic really well.
Paco:
And then we’ve got fossils that contain traces of soft tissue.
Ravioli:
Which would be impossible if they were millions of years old.
Banani:
And we’re talking about fossils of animals like dinosaurs—supposedly extinct for millions of years according to mainstream geology.
Paco:
But a rapid, catastrophic sediment deposit just a few thousand years ago explains this perfectly.
Banani:
In other words, Noah’s Flood, as told in Genesis… like we’ve already seen!
Igor:
Yeah! Like we’ve already seen! And we’d rather not go over it again! 🤣
Part 5 /10
Part E. At the Principal’s Office
Faggioli’s Office
Faggioli:
And then what happened?
Papaia:
She was called in by the principal…
FLASHBACK – PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE. PRESENT: TEACHER, PRINCIPAL, MOM, MINO, AND NINO
Principal (cautiously):
Perhaps we could address this matter calmly, ma’am…
Mom (pulls out a paper):
May I read the essay out loud?
(doesn’t wait for an answer)
“My mom solves problems with a baseball bat. When the neighbor scratches her car, she doesn’t get mad. She waits. Waits for him in the dark. And hits him on the legs with the bat.”
Teacher (horrified):
Do you realize what this means?!
Mom (opens her purse with a defiant look):
This is strictly for preemptive school self-defense. 🤣
(pulls out a bat and calmly lays it on the table)
Principal (leaps from his chair):
I—I assure you, there’s no need to go that far!
Mom (dead serious):
If we want to talk about education, I’m ready.
You show me your methods, and I’ll show you mine! 🤣
Nino (whispering to Mino):
I bet you’re getting a ten for this.
Igor:
Instead of showing her methods to a mom wielding a bat, the principal showed her his best 100-meter sprint! 🤣
Part 6 /10
Part F. Social Workers
FAGGIOLI’S OFFICE
Faggioli:
But at that point, didn’t they call child services?
Papaia (sighs):
Yes, that’s exactly what happened… and guess how it turned out?
FLASHBACK – PAPAIA’S HOUSE, 1990s
The doorbell rings.
Mom (fixing her hair in the mirror, then opening the door with an over-the-top smile):
Good morning! Please, come in!
Social Worker 1 (cordially):
Good morning, ma’am. We’re here for a family wellness assessment. Nothing to worry about. 🤣
Mom (fake surprise):
Oh, of course! My children are little angels! 🤣
Nino sets off a firecracker inside the house.
BOOM
The social workers cover their ears, startled.
Social Worker 2:
Do they set off firecrackers in the house?!
Mom (forced laugh):
Just childhood creativity. Better than being on the computer all day, right? 🤣
Social Worker 1:
But it’s dangerous. Someone could get hurt.
Social Worker 2:
And you let them? You don’t supervise?
The first social worker takes notes.
Mom:
Listen! The boys are just a bit lively. But I don’t want them to feel stifled. 🤣
…That’s why I let them be free.
A second firecracker goes off in another room.
BOOM.
Mino walks in holding a flaming trash bin and tosses it into the middle of the room, right by the workers’ feet. 🤣
Social Worker 2:
Help! What is that?! It’s on fire! 🤣
The first worker rips the tablecloth off the coffee table and throws it over the fire, putting it out.
Social Worker 1:
You let them set the house on fire?! 🤣
Social Worker 2:
You don’t just let them be free—you let them do whatever they want!
Social Worker 1:
Ma’am, it seems to me the situation is completely out of your control.
Mom:
What are you saying? Don’t exaggerate—they’re just kids. You’re blowing this out of proportion. It’s good they’re having fun, you’re only young once! 🤣
Social Worker 2:
Excuse me, ma’am, but even though your children are clearly in the wrong, you still defend them?
A third firecracker goes off in the distance.
BOOM.
Social Worker 1:
Alright, ma’am. Clearly, today is not the right time to talk. We’re leaving. We’ll return tomorrow—hopefully in a calmer setting.
—
Igor:
If someone walked into my house saying it’s “nothing to worry about,” that’s exactly when I’d start worrying! 🤣
… But hey, there was nothing to worry about—the kids were little angels… just like the devil once was! 🤣
… Setting off firecrackers in the house is better than being on the computer all day—depending on your point of view… like, say, the floor’s! 🤣
… “I don’t want my kids to feel stifled.” She’s got a point! All these strict rules! Like “Don’t make the house collapse”! 🤣
… Very stifling indeed. From above and under the rubble! 🤣
… At that point, the lit firecracker was right by the guests’ feet. But it was just Nino trying to break the ice! 🤣
… By making them tap dance! 🤣
… Didn’t go so well though! Instead of breaking the ice, he broke their shoes! 🤣
… The worker, seeing the flaming trash bin, asks: “What is that?” 🤣
… It’s modern art. Called “Thermo-Destructive Installation Against Domestic Capitalism.” 🤣
… It’s dinner. But we used the wrong microwave settings. 🤣
… Still edible? Maybe let’s just order a pizza! 🤣
Part 7 /10
Part G. The Faint Young Sun Paradox
Waiting Room
Ravioli:
What else?
Paco:
Current evidence supports astronomers’ belief that the Sun’s energy comes from the fusion of hydrogen into helium deep in its core.
Banani:
Sounds right to me!
Paco:
But there’s a huge problem.
Ravioli:
Oh yeah? What is it?
Paco:
As hydrogen fuses, the composition of the Sun’s core should change, gradually increasing the Sun’s temperature.
Banani:
If that were true, it would mean the Earth was colder in the past!
Paco:
Exactly. The Earth would’ve been below freezing 3.5 billion years ago—right when life was supposed to begin!
Banani:
Really? And how do they figure that?
Paco:
The rate of nuclear fusion depends on temperature. As the Sun’s core temperature rises, its energy output should increase, making the Sun shine brighter over time.
Ravioli:
How far below freezing?
Paco:
Calculations show the Sun would become 25% brighter after 3.5 billion years. That means the early Sun would have been weaker, warming Earth by 17°C (31°F) less than today.
Banani:
That is below freezing. But couldn’t life still make it?
Paco:
Maybe, but that’s not the real issue.
Ravioli:
Then what is?
Paco:
Even evolutionists admit there’s no evidence of those freezing temperatures in the geological record. They actually call this problem the “faint young Sun paradox.”
Banani:
But that’s not a problem on time scales of a few thousand years!
Paco:
Certainly not! But it is if the world is billions of years old!
Part 8 /10
Part H. Chase with the Bat
Faggioli’s Office
Faggioli
And where were you?
Papaia
In the bathroom.
Faggioli
All that time?
Papaia
They had tied me up. 🤣
But the social workers came back the next day…
—
Flashback
The next day. Papaia’s house.
The situation is calmer. The two social workers and Mom are sitting on the couch.
Social Worker 2
Ma’am, we’ve noticed you have difficulty managing your children’s behavior.
Mom
Managing? Why should I? They’re so well-behaved. 🤣
Social Worker 1
Well-behaved?! They nearly set the house on fire!
Social Worker 2
Even the school confirms signs of behavioral issues.
Mom
Behavioral? Hey! Are you talking about my kids?
Social Worker 2
Ma’am, you have to stop justifying them and face reality.
Social Worker 1
Those boys urgently need discipline!
Mom’s expression changes.
Mom (coldly)
Discipline, huh?
Her hand slips behind the armchair… here we go!
Social Worker 2
Yes, discipline, ma’am! The very thing you completely lack!
Mom
I need to understand reality, huh?
She pulls out a baseball bat.
Social Worker 1
Wh-what’s that?
Mom
A baseball bat… to help you understand reality! 🤣
Social Worker 2
Put that down immediately, ma’am! Or you’ll just make things worse!
Social Worker 1 (worried)
Ma’am, this is an official interview. We’re only asking for your cooperation. 🤣
Mom (slapping the bat on her palm)
Interview? Sure… I’ve got a couple of things to say to you! 🤣
—
FLASHBACK – NEIGHBORHOOD STREET, A FEW MINUTES LATER
The social workers run away in terror. Mom chases them with the bat in hand.
Social Worker 1
Help!!
Mom
Come back! I’ll show you what a healthy family environment looks like! 🤣
—
End of flashback
Igor
When Mom says, “Why should I control them? They’re so well-behaved,” she’s not joking. Mino and Nino were so “well-behaved,” they’d already been hired by a demolition company… to save money on bulldozers. 🤣
…A baseball bat… to understand reality! 🤣
…As in, how “real” is a head injury?
…The social workers only asked for cooperation… but she generously added a blunt object too! 🤣
…Her husband used to say she had no sense of humor. He was wrong—he just hadn’t noticed she’s only inspired when she’s holding a bat! 🤣
Part 9 /10
Part I. Mom’s Arrest
Faggioli’s Office
Faggioli
At this point, I think things took a bad turn…
Papaia
Mom got six months…
—
FLASHBACK – THE ARREST SCENE
Exterior, front yard – sunny day
Papaia’s mom is sitting on the living room couch, in slippers, crocheting. On the TV, a beaver documentary. Silence. Peace. A rare moment.
PAPAIA’S MOM
(sighing)
Five minutes, just five… that’s all I ask.
DING DONG.
Her expression turns grim. She slowly gets up, drags herself to the door, opens it.
SALESMAN (cheerful)
Good morning, ma’am! Have you ever thought about improving your kids’ discipline? “Children and Rules: Twenty Techniques Without Yelling!” is the magazine for you! 🤣
She stares at him. Silence.
Mom
Discipline, huh? Hold on a sec…
She goes back inside and returns… with a baseball bat.
PAPAIA’S MOM
Twenty techniques? I’ll give you twenty… twenty whacks on the head! 🤣
The salesman screams and bolts down the driveway. She chases him without hesitation, yelling incoherent phrases. But just then, a police car silently pulls up at the gate.
POLICE OFFICER #1
(to his partner)
That’s her. Just like the description: bat, sudden sprint, murder stare.
The salesman runs past the car, waving the magazine like a white flag. The officers step out. Mom stops, realizing the situation. Slowly lowers the bat. Looks at them.
PAPAIA’S MOM
It was for… educational purposes. 🤣
POLICE OFFICER #2
(resigned)
Ma’am, you’re under arrest for assaulting social workers and attempted editorial vandalism. 🤣
They cuff her. Meanwhile, the social workers arrive up the driveway, looking around in exasperation.
SOCIAL WORKER 1
Let’s take the kids. Before one of them tries to set the trash can on fire… again. 🤣
SOCIAL WORKER 2
(glancing inside)
Oh no, too late. 🤣
Papaia’s mom is placed in the police car. All the neighbors are at their windows and gates, stunned but not entirely surprised. Some applaud. One offers popcorn. 🤣
The four siblings – Papaia, Nino, Mino, and Chantilly – are taken away in a separate minivan. Each with a different expression: Papaia looks thoughtful, Nino is laughing, Mino is fake-crying, Chantilly is taking a selfie with the cop car in the background. 🤣
Mom gets in silently.
The door closes. The car drives away.
Fade out.
—
Igor
Sorry, but that salesman had it coming! 🤣
…maybe next time he should ask the neighbors first! 🤣
…after meeting Mrs. Papaia and experiencing her warm welcome and the friendly household atmosphere—complete with objects slicing through the air—I don’t think there will be a next time! 🤣
…I’m thinking of inviting her on my Friday night show. 🤣
…all it takes is a bat in her hand and someone who disagrees! 🤣
…then boom, comedy gold! 🤣
…like that line to the salesman: “Twenty techniques to fracture your femur!” 🤣
…maybe she did want to show him all twenty? 🤣
…I totally pictured it when she told the cops it was “for educational purposes”! 🤣
…Mom arrested, and the kids didn’t even care! Honestly, the ones who suffered the most were the neighbors! No “bat chase show” for six months! 🤣
…the popcorn guy had to go back to work at the factory. Thanks to Mrs. Papaia and a decent phone, he had become an influencer! 🤣
Part 10 / 10
Part J. Weak Sun – Part 2
Ravioli
So the sun increases its heating power over time. And if the Earth were 3.5 billion years old, the temperature when life began would have been 17 degrees lower than today. That means it would have been below freezing. Yet no one finds evidence of this in the rock layers!
Banani
So how do evolutionary geologists explain that?
Paco
Over the years, scientists have proposed several mechanisms to try to explain this issue. These hypotheses require changes in Earth’s atmosphere. For example, a greater presence of greenhouse gases early in Earth’s history could have trapped more heat—but that would imply that greenhouse gases gradually decreased to offset the increasing brightness of the Sun.
Ravioli
And have they found any evidence to support that idea?
Paco
No. Not at all. None of these hypotheses can be proven, because there’s no evidence. Plus, it’s hard to believe that a mechanism completely independent of solar brightness could so precisely compensate for the Sun’s varying emissions over billions of years.