Part 1/19
Three scientists — Papaia, Banani, and Ravioli — and their assistant Igor, who work at NASAL, begin to take an interest in creationism. Their superiors, worried, send them to see the psychologist, Professor Faggioli, a dubious character determined to get them fired by making them seem crazy.
Interior – Faggioli’s Office
Papaia is undergoing a psychological evaluation.
FAGGIOLI
Do you remember when your mother started treating you as the one responsible for your siblings?
PAPAIA
Yes… I was six years old. And I was the youngest. It’s absurd, I know. But my mom expected me to convince my brothers not to do certain things. As if I could…
—
FLASHBACK – Outside, playground – Day
Papaia, just six years old, sits on a low wall holding a sandwich too big for him. Not far away, his older brothers, Mino and Nino, are scheming.
MINO
(looking at the sweet cart)
Here’s the plan: I pretend to faint. The vendor runs over to me, and Nino makes the grab.
NINO
Three bags of candy, then we run!
PAPAIA
But… but that’s stealing! We can’t do that!
MINO
Then you convince Mom when she punishes us. Actually… no. Let’s say it was your idea.
NINO
Either you cooperate… or we get you into trouble. Again.
Papaia looks at the cart, then at his brothers. He’s scared and doesn’t know how to stop them.
The plan begins. Mino falls to the ground writhing; the vendor rushes over.
Nino grabs the sweets.
But the vendor notices what’s happening and manages to catch only Papaia, the only one left behind.
—
Interior – Home – Shortly after
Mom, furious, listens to the vendor. Papaia stands there, trembling.
MOM
You were supposed to stop them! You’re the youngest, yes… but you’re smart! (laughs)
PAPAIA
But I… I said it was wrong…
MOM
Then you should’ve made yourself heard! (laughs)
Always making excuses! Go to your room!
Papaia lowers his head and disappears.
—
Back to Faggioli’s office
FAGGIOLI
You were the youngest… but for your mother, you were already responsible for everyone.
Tony the Sock slowly comes out of the drawer.
TONY THE SOCK
Papaia in trouble! The usual big softie! Ha, ha, ha!
IGOR
Hey, Papaia, you’ve got a head on your shoulders! Sure? Maybe you left it at home! (laughs)
You’ve got a head and the other two don’t? What did they need the candy for? (laughs)
I mean… how would they have eaten it? (laughs)
Anyway, you should have made yourself heard!
You should’ve remembered what your mom taught you…
Not listening to me? Here comes the baseball bat! (laughs)
Part 2/19
Discipline… with style!
Interior – Faggioli’s Office
Papaia’s session continues.
FAGGIOLI
And if anyone dared to say something…
PAPAIA
Mom would take out the baseball bat.
FAGGIOLI
Wait a minute. Did you say… baseball bat?
PAPAIA
Yes, I think it was a baseball bat…
FAGGIOLI
Brand?
PAPAIA
Huh?
FAGGIOLI
Brand. Model. Wood or aluminum? Championship year? Was it autographed?
PAPAIA
I… I don’t know, professor…
FAGGIOLI
Unacceptable. Really disappointing, Papaia. It’s details like these that distinguish the aware victims from the simply confused! (laughs)
FAGGIOLI
(sighs, then with a nostalgic tone)
You see, Papaia… my father was better than your mother! (laughs)
PAPAIA
Huh?
FAGGIOLI
My father? He was the real deal!
PAPAIA
Really?
FAGGIOLI
Of course! A great man. You see, he didn’t use a vulgar baseball bat…
PAPAIA
No?
FAGGIOLI
No! Of course not! My father… he was a man of class.
He used a billiard cue. And he’d whack us on the hands with it. (laughs)
Me, and my brothers!
(He drifts into memories)
…A Brunswick cue, solid Canadian ash wood. Elite model from ’58.
147 centimeters. Weight: 540 grams.
Perfect balance. Perfect… for perfect discipline!
…Ah, when it landed on your hands… you heard that crisp, precise tap…
Every strike a work of art. (laughs)
And then he’d add written punishment, in Gothic handwriting.
That was real justice. Discipline with style. (laughs)
IGOR
Of course. Elegance, sadism, and professional rebound. (laughs)
…Tell me one thing, Faggioli: did your father also dress up as a player to beat you?
Maybe with a shirt covered in sponsors? (laughs)
…Did he ever put you on a table with a green felt mat? (laughs)
…And satisfy my curiosity: did you or your brothers ever get “pocketed”? (laughs)
…Brunswick Elite from ’58…
I bet while your father was whacking your hands, you were trying to read the writing on the cue in motion! (laughs)
Part 3/19
An Unfailing Witness
We are in the waiting room.
RAVIOLI:
You said there is a lot of evidence. So can we be 100% sure?
PACO:
Despite the abundance of evidence, it’s important to understand that, from the standpoint of observational science, no one can absolutely prove how young (or old) the universe is.
However, there is one dating method that is absolutely reliable: a witness who doesn’t lie, who has all the evidence, and who can tell us when the universe began!
RAVIOLI:
Really? A witness?
BANANI:
Who is it, God?
PACO:
Exactly! The God of the Bible!
He gave us a specific story, which begins with the six days of Creation and continues with detailed genealogies that allow us to determine when the universe began.
RAVIOLI:
And how did you talk to God? Did you pray?
PACO:
No, Ravioli. You can pray, of course.
But God left us a written testimony: His Word. The Bible!
BANANI:
Yes, but how did He write the Bible? Did He come down to Earth? Or did He make it appear already printed?
PACO:
Of course not, Banani!
God inspired men who wrote it guided by Him.
RAVIOLI:
Hard to believe. Especially for a scientist.
PACO:
Yet, as you have already seen with your own books, there is evidence that God exists, that He created the universe, and that Jesus rose from the dead.
BANANI:
Well! One more or less miracle…
PACO:
Yet the Bible is full of prophecies written centuries before they came true.
Who else could have known these things?
RAVIOLI:
That would be an argument worth exploring.
PACO:
And it’s good to do so!
But, according to the biblical narrative, the universe began about six thousand years ago — about four thousand years from Creation to Christ.
BANANI:
I don’t know… that’s a very strong claim.
And how do they calculate this date?
PACO:
In the Bible, there are genealogies, from Adam — the first man — to Jesus.
Knowing that Jesus was born around year zero, you can calculate the rest.
RAVIOLI:
Interesting!
So the first step is to believe in the Bible, and then we can proceed to verify the rest.
PACO:
I’m not telling you to believe it.
But at least, give it a chance.
BANANI:
You mean God inspired men and revealed the past to us, starting from Creation?
PACO:
Exactly!
I’m not asking you to believe right away, just to start from this assumption and see where it leads.
RAVIOLI:
So… we should give this hypothesis a chance, right?
PACO:
Exactly.
Try to use the idea that the historical information in the Bible is accurate.
And you will see that the evidence does not contradict this assumption.
BANANI:
I think I understand.
And tell me: what are these proofs?
Part 4/19
Ottavio the Parrot
We are in Faggioli’s office.
FAGGIOLI
Can you tell me more about your mother, related to your childhood?
PAPAIA
Let me think… uh… yes, there was the parrot… Ottavio.
FAGGIOLI
The parrot Ottavio?
PAPAIA
Ottavio Diamond XII, to be precise.
The pet my mother was most attached to.
FAGGIOLI
Yes… tell me more.
PAPAIA
That parrot… he was out to get me!
FAGGIOLI
The… parrot? How can you be so sure?
PAPAIA
Because he played tricks on my brothers and then blamed me.
FAGGIOLI
How is that possible? Wasn’t he just a bird?
PAPAIA
A diabolical bird. He framed me!
He played tricks, then imitated my voice to make me look guilty. And my mother… she believed it!
FAGGIOLI
What you’re saying sounds a bit exaggerated, Papaia. Birds don’t have that kind of intelligence.
PAPAIA
Common birds don’t. But he did…
That parrot was a psychopath.
FAGGIOLI
Mr. Papaia… are you telling me that a parrot named Ottavio, with a Roman numeral in his surname, sabotaged your childhood with vocal imitations and criminal mastermind tactics?
PAPAIA
Yes. And my mother always believed him.
FAGGIOLI
Professor Papaia, you realize this isn’t possible.
Isn’t it more likely you were deceiving yourself?
PAPAIA
Absolutely not…
The scene fades into a flashback… but Igor, off-screen, interrupts the transition.
IGOR
Ottavio Diamond XIII?
You mean there were twelve other Ottavio Diamonds before him?
… where? In the entire history of parrots or just in your family, Papaia?
… and what happened to them?
… better not investigate. Anyway, the parrot was a psychopath.
… I didn’t know there were psychopathic parrots! What do they do? Make anonymous threatening calls to famous actresses?
(imitating an eerie parrot voice on the phone)
“Hi Scarlett… I saw your latest movie. GREAT.
But way too little screen time for birds, DON’T YOU THINK?”
“Tomorrow I’ll send you a feather. Guess where it comes from.”
“QUAAAAACK.”
… or maybe we have mythomaniac parrots…
Yeah, yeah! Psychopathic mythomaniac parrots are the worst.
They lie, manipulate… and convince themselves they are:
… war veterans:
“I lost my beak in Fallujah, kid…”
… reincarnated ancient pharaohs:
“I am Tutankafruff. Bring me my sarcophagus and some dried mango!”
… retired secret agents:
“Mission Rio, ’87. Undercover clandestine in a toucan’s beak. I’ll never talk about it again.”
… news editors:
“That’s not how it happened in Vietnam! I was there, QUAAAAACK!”
Part 5/19
Mino’s Cake
Flashback.
Interior – Kitchen – Day
Papaia’s mother, wearing an apron, is kneading something. On the table: flour, broken eggs, sugar, a huge bowl full of soft dough.
PAPAIA
Hi Mom… are you making the cake?
MOM (without looking at him)
Yes. But it’s not for you!
It’s for Mino’s birthday. My jewel. My firstborn.
He turns eighteen today.
On a chair near the table, Ottavio Diamond XIII watches motionless like an Egyptian statue, with a mischievous look.
PAPAIA
Ah. Mino. Right. And… can I help—
MOM
You can breathe.
But not too close to the dough.
At that moment, Mino enters, wearing a tank top and gym pants, fixing his hair with a reflective spoon.
MINO
Hey! I smell sugar… or is that just my vanilla shampoo?
MOM (all smiles)
My darling! Look how I’m making the cake just for you!
Milk, eggs, flour… and lots of love!
MINO
Let’s hope it doesn’t suck like last year’s!
PAPAIA (whispering)
There were still shells in it…
MOM (angrily)
THAT WAS EXPERIMENTAL ART!
Sudden silence. Then Mino turns to Papaia with a smirk.
MINO
Hey Pap. Pay up.
He gives him a playful punch on the shoulder, laughing.
PAPAIA
Ouch! Stop it! I don’t like this game!
While everyone is distracted, Ottavio has already jumped on the cupboard.
He pushes the pantry door with his beak, opens it… and pulls out a half-open packet with flashing red letters:
FIRE PAPRIKA – Level: VOLCANO
OTTAVIO (imitating Mino)
Let’s hope it doesn’t suck like last year’s!
—
IGOR (off-screen)
Nice cake, Papaia… what’s the recipe called?
Saint Honoré, tiramisu… or “not for you”?
… breathe, Papaia, but don’t sniff too much!
… the cake isn’t for you!
… your mother treated you all fairly… but I think she had a little preference for Mino… which she hid well!
… who would’ve guessed?
… sorry, Papaia, but were you really that poor?
Your brother had to fix his hair with a spoon?
… wasn’t there a mirror in the house?
… and you couldn’t even afford real shampoo? One that didn’t smell like sugar?
… wait a minute… sugar smell?
And why would sugar have a smell?
… there was really a lot of it in that homemade shampoo!
… now I understand the spoon for the hair!
… maybe, your brother, Papaia…
The real cake was already in his head!
Part 6/19
Forensic Science
We are in the waiting room.
RAVIOLI
Wait! Before you show us this evidence, I want to understand something.
If we really have a mountain of scientific evidence collected by researchers that clearly contradicts the idea of billions of years…
then why don’t more people accept the truth of a young Earth, based on the Bible?
PACO
The problem is that, when dealing with origins, all the so-called “evidence” must be interpreted.
Facts don’t speak for themselves.
Interpreting the data becomes especially difficult when trying to reconstruct historical events, because no human was there to observe everything that happened and record how that evidence formed.
BANANI
I saw a documentary once.
It’s called… “forensic science.”
PACO
Exactly.
Forensic scientists have to make many assumptions about things they cannot observe directly.
RAVIOLI
Like… what was the original environment like?
Were different processes at work?
Was the scene contaminated afterward?
PACO
Exactly!
Just one wrong assumption, or even a small missing piece of evidence, can completely change the reconstruction of the events that led to the evidence we see today.
BANANI
Now I’m totally confused!
Didn’t you say the evidence proved the Bible?
RAVIOLI
No, Banani!
It’s a matter of starting points, didn’t you get that?
PACO
Exactly.
And our starting point, unlike that of evolutionists, is the Bible.
BANANI
So… if the Bible says something, we don’t question it, right?
PACO
Yes.
And once we take the Bible as a reference, the evidence confirms what it tells us.
We will never find evidence that disproves our starting point!
RAVIOLI
Now I get it!
It’s like with the Grand Canyon issue.
Uniformitarians, looking at the evidence, say it was the river carving it over millions of years.
But the Bible talks about Noah’s flood, and starting from that assumption, we explain the Grand Canyon as a series of layers deposited rapidly and then eroded by mud and lava flows.
And the evidence confirms this: like those vast fossil graveyards we saw earlier in the book, spread all over the world.
PACO
Exactly!
We can explain the Grand Canyon in two ways:
the millions-of-years version is full of mysteries and contradictions…
while the flood version works perfectly.
Part 7/19
The Postman
Flashback.
Interior – Kitchen – Afternoon
Mino runs out of the kitchen toward the living room, ready for his favorite video game.
MINO
I’m off to crush it at the video games! Good luck with the cake!
Mom and Papaia stay in the kitchen. Suddenly, the doorbell rings insistently.
PAPAIA
Who could it be at this hour?
MOM
It must be the postman. Go check.
Papaia goes to open the door while Mom keeps kneading.
It really is the postman.
POSTMAN
Good morning! Is Mom home? I need a signature.
PAPAIA
Moooom!
MOM
Ugh! The usual bills!
Papaia takes the registered letter and sets it aside while Mom signs.
PAPAIA (voiceover)
Actually, I was supposed to keep it safe…
Since I was the one who went to pay the bills at the post office.
Meanwhile, Ottavio Diamante XIII has perched on the table next to the batter, holding the paprika packet in his beak. Nobody notices.
OTTAVIO (imitating Mino)
Let’s hope it doesn’t taste as bad as last year’s!
Skillfully, he opens the packet with his beak and dumps all the contents into the batter.
Then he stirs with precise movements, puts the empty packet back in the cupboard,
and returns to his place. Motionless. Innocent.
Like a sacred statue in a temple… of evil.
IGOR
Ugh! The usual bills! The ones we can’t pay…
Because we still have to buy a mirror and shampoo.
… but at least we save on sugar!
… and what about Mino? Model son, champion of affection, portrait of gratitude!
… diplomacy and tact: his specialties!
… all with some sugar crystals falling from his hair!
… and Ottavio? Consistent as always: with all that paprika, the cake wouldn’t have tasted as bad as last year’s…
Worse!
Part 8/19
“Burn Them Alive!”
Flashback.
Interior – Living Room I – Afternoon
Papaia and Mino are sitting on the couch, gamepads in hand, engaged in a cooperative game against hordes of enemies in a two-player shooter.
MINO (shooting and dodging)
Cover yourself, I’m coming with the rocket launcher!
PAPAIA (raising the virtual shield)
Thanks, I’m on fire! Behind you, a group!
MINO
I’ll destroy them! Now together we do the final blow.
PAPAIA (excited)
Wait, I have an idea… burn them alive!
The camera zooms in on Ottavio Diamante XIII, perched on a nearby chair. He watches the scene with sly eyes and a mischievous smile.
The match ends with the two brothers winning. They get up laughing, setting down their controllers.
MINO
Not bad, you’re a good teammate, little bro.
PAPAIA (smiling)
You too… but next time let’s burn more enemies!
They walk off toward the garden.
The scene closes with Ottavio, in a theatrical tone and perfect imitation of Papaia’s voice, exclaiming:
OTTAVIO (imitating Papaia)
Wait, I have an idea… burn them alive!
Ottavio flaps his wings.
IGOR
Obviously, the parrot wanted to play a game!
Part 9/19
The Bible: A Trump Card
Waiting Room.
RAVIOLI
But what if they’re making fun of us?
PACO
You must not be fooled! That’s why, when discussing the age of the Earth, you need to be ready to explain the importance of starting points and assumptions. To reach correct conclusions, you have to start from the right place.
BANANI
So… they are the ones starting from the wrong point of view?
PACO
Apparently yes. Because the explanation they come up with still has problems and unsolved mysteries.
BANANI
So the Bible is that starting point!
PACO
Exactly, Banani! You see, years ago I realized I was living a lie. Like you, I studied and investigated a lot, and I understood that the Bible isn’t just a collection of books. It’s the revealed Word of the Almighty, faithful and true Creator, who was present observing all the events in Earth’s history and who gave humanity an infallible account of the key events of the past.
BANANI
But why would God reveal these things to us?
PACO
For the same reason He sent us Jesus: because He loves us!
RAVIOLI
So, the Bible is like a kind of “trump card”!
PACO
Exactly. The Bible, God’s revelation to us, gives us the foundation that allows us to build the right worldview, to correctly understand how present and past are connected.
BANANI
Wow… that’s incredible! I never would have thought that.
PACO
You see, Banani, all other documents written by humans are fallible. Unlike the infallible Word, “inspired by God,” as we read in 2 Timothy 3:16.
Part 10/19
Fiery Birthday
Flashback.
Interior – Room decorated with balloons, streamers, and colorful banners.
Papaia’s mom, visibly excited, has made a big effort to decorate the room.
Mino’s friends and some relatives are seated at tables: chatting, laughing, taking photos.
The music lowers. Everyone turns toward the door as mom enters carrying a large cake decorated on an elegant plate.
MOM (proudly)
Here’s the cake for Mino’s 18th birthday!
The lights go out. The lit candles shine.
Everyone sings the classic birthday song. Mino blows out the candles with a puff.
MINO (smiling)
Finally!
Mom starts cutting the cake and handing out slices to the guests.
After a few seconds, the first suspicions arise. Then… chaos.
Coughing, watery eyes, screams, desperate running.
GUEST 1 (shouting)
What is this?! It’s burning!
GUEST 2 (looking for water)
Water! Does anyone have water?
Some run to the sink, others to the bathroom, someone gulps the melted water from the ice bucket just to put out the fire in their mouth.
In the general panic, Uncle Alejandro appears, from Mexico, wearing a poncho and sombrero. He eats with gusto, satisfied.
UNCLE ALEJANDRO
¡Ay, this cake burns like a dragon,
but I love it… tastes like passion!
The camera slowly moves to Ottavio Diamante XIII, perched on a shelf, watching the scene.
OTTAVIO (imitating Mino)
Let’s hope it’s not as bad as last year’s!
Then, in a theatrical tone, he imitates Papaia:
OTTAVIO (imitating Papaia)
Wait, I have an idea… let’s burn them alive!
He flaps his wings, satisfied.
IGOR
Mino blows out the candles and says “finally!” … but what did he mean?
– Finally… did he figure out which side of the cake was the front?
– Because they promised him that after blowing out the candles, he could hit Ravioli?
– “Finally” is the only word he can say without stuttering when he’s excited?
– Actually, he always says “finally” randomly. He started in 2019 and hasn’t stopped?
– Finally… yes, because mom stopped singing. Was she on the third verse?
– Did he mean he finally understood which way to blow? Did it take him thirty-eight years?
Part 11/19
The Trap
Interior – Room – Late evening
The party is over. Deflated balloons, napkins scattered everywhere, overturned glasses, extinguished candles, and pieces of cake abandoned like evidence of a crime. The room looks like a battlefield.
Mino stands in a corner, offended, arms crossed and a sour face.
MINO (muttering)
The worst birthday of my life…
Mom is furious, hands on hips, facing Papaia, who stands there like a lost lamb.
MOM
Only YOU were in the kitchen with the cake when the postman arrived! Who else could have done it?!
PAPAIA (defending himself)
But… it made no sense! Why would I do it?! It was for Mino! I—I didn’t even touch it…
MOM
Tell the truth, Papaia. You were jealous!
Mom approaches with a dark look. Ottavio flies in as if nothing happened, stops, perches on a stool and perfectly imitates, saying:
OTTAVIO (in Mino’s voice)
Let’s hope it’s not as bad as last year’s!
Then changes tone, imitating Papaia:
OTTAVIO
Wait, I have an idea! Let’s burn them alive!
Silence. Mino looks away. Mom narrows her eyes at Papaia. Ottavio smooths his feathers, expressionless.
MOM (declaring)
Punishment.
A few minutes later, Papaia, wearing an apron and holding a bucket, is on his knees scraping cake crumbs off the floor.
MOM (offscreen)
And no dinner for a month!
Zoom on Papaia’s tired face as he looks at the crusted cake and sighs. Ottavio silently watches from the chair… then lets out a small chuckle.
IGOR
“No dinner for a month”… careful Papaia, next time you might lose lunch too!
…then you only have one last chance left: breakfast, before starving to death!
Part 12/19
The Usual Crossroads
Waiting room.
RAVIOLI: But I heard that some theologians have tried to make the Big Bang compatible with the Bible…
PACO: The Bible clearly and unequivocally describes the creation of the universe, the solar system, and the Earth about six thousand years ago. We know it’s true based on the authority of God’s own character. “For when God made a promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself” (Hebrews 6:13).
BANANI: But if God doesn’t lie, then we don’t even need evidence.
PACO: In a way, God’s testimony is all we need; however, God Himself urges us to give a reason for our faith (1 Peter 3:15). Therefore, it’s also important to conduct scientific research, which is part of the task of subduing the earth, as was said to Adam in Genesis 1:28.
RAVIOLI: Also because this way we can show it to others, right?
PACO: Excellent point! Through this research, we can challenge those who reject the clear Word of God and defend the biblical worldview.
BANANI: In the end, we’re always at the same crossroads! It’s always a matter of faith!
PACO: Indeed, God’s testimony must have such a central role in our thinking that it almost seems reductive to call it the “best” evidence for a young Earth. It is, in fact, the only foundation on which all other evidence can be properly understood!
Part 13/19
Papaia Catches the Parrot
We are in Faggioli’s office.
FAGGIOLI:
Let me get this straight… a vengeful parrot who sabotages parties, imitates your voice, plays tricks on your brothers, and always gets you in trouble. And your mother… always punishes you. Because of it.
PAPAIA:
It’s not my fault if the truth sounds unbelievable, doctor. But it’s the truth.
FAGGIOLI:
You expect me to believe that a talking bird ruined a human’s childhood…
PAPAIA:
It took me years to prove it. But I did it. At the end of high school… I hid a phone under the sideboard.
Faggioli stops writing. He freezes.
FAGGIOLI:
…You spied on a parrot with a phone?
PAPAIA:
I caught it red-handed.
Silence. Faggioli stops writing and stares at him for a moment.
Papaia opens the phone and looks for something. Then he finds it and hands the phone to Faggioli.
PAPAIA:
Look here!
Part 14/19
The Dress
From the video on Papaia’s phone.
The shot is shaky and slightly tilted. We see a corner of the room, a decorative vase in the foreground. Papaia enters briefly, checks the framing of the hidden phone, and adjusts it better behind the vase. He leaves. Cut. Now the room is empty, well-lit. Silence.
Suddenly the sound of the front door is heard. Chantilly rushes in carrying a huge shiny bag.
CHANTILLY (excited):
Mommmm! Look what I found at Luxury&Things! It was on sale, only 270 euros!
She pulls out a long, sequined dress, flashy to say the least. She shakes it proudly and carefully hangs it on the bookshelf shelf.
Mom’s voice (from the hallway):
Another dress, Chantilly? And where are you going?
CHANTILLY:
For tonight! I’m going out with Josh!
At this point, Mom enters the room. She’s covered in flour, hands on hips, with a stern look.
MOM:
With Josh? The one with the tricked-out motorcycle and tattoos, who looks like a delinquent?
CHANTILLY (smiling):
Ugh, Mom! You’re always the same! Josh is intense, not a criminal. And he makes me laugh!
MOM:
He makes you laugh? A man who has a skull tattooed on his neck? What kind of future can a guy like that give you! You’ll only end up in trouble!
CHANTILLY (more firmly):
You never approve of anyone! Every time I meet someone, you find something to say!
MOM:
I don’t approve of anyone? But every time you pick bad company! Look at Gianpietro, the neighbors’ son! Now he’s a decent guy: polite, diligent, and studious!
CHANTILLY:
Again with this story, Mom? How many times do I have to tell you that Gianpietro’s not for me?
MOM:
Yeah… because he’s not a drugged delinquent like the ones you like! That’s your type, right?
CHANTILLY:
That’s too much, Mom! Josh is not a drug addict!
MOM:
Even if he were, you’re not going anywhere tonight!
CHANTILLY:
Hey! I’m an adult and I can make my own decisions!
MOM:
Not as long as you live in this house!
CHANTILLY:
Enough! My life is mine and I do what I want!
MOM:
Really? We’ll see about that!
The situation gets tense. Chantilly suddenly leaves the room.
Mom stays for a few seconds with a thoughtful look, then leaves too.
The room is now empty. The only living being present is Ottavio, perched on the back of the sofa. He tilts his head mischievously.
OTTAVIO (imitating Chantilly’s voice):
My life is mine and I do what I want!
… My life is mine and I do what I want!
IGOR:
Papaia’s mom was a determined type. Despite the two failed birthday cakes, she never gave up making them!
BANANI:
Two fails? Why two?
IGOR:
Yes, there’s the spicy cake at Mino’s birthday. And the one the year before that, which, according to Mino’s illustrious opinion, “was awful.”
… According to Chantilly, that guy, Josh, her new boyfriend, wasn’t a criminal, he was… intense! How intense? Like an espresso?
… And he made her laugh! Especially when he wore that funny mask… to rob banks!
… Obviously virtues she didn’t find in Gianpietro, the boring neighbors’ son. What a boring future: a responsible husband, a house, a car, kids in college! Who would want such a dull life!
… Better in jail, a nice conjugal visit once a month! Bills to pay, unemployed kids! Now that’s an “intense” life!
… Chantilly’s phrase “… I do what I want” fit perfectly in the beak of the mischievous parrot!
… Yes! Ottavio was quite creative in taking it literally!
Part 15/19
Little Ocean Sedimentation
Waiting room.
Ravioli: Okay. We talked about evidence and assumptions. What are these proofs?
Paco: You know the sea, right?
Ravioli: Of course.
Paco: According to traditional geology, sediments have accumulated on the ocean floors for three billion years.
Ravioli: Okay, so?
Paco: Then the ocean floor should be buried under sediment layers many kilometers deep.
Banani: And it’s not?
Paco: No, Banani! Let’s do a quick calculation. Every year, water and wind erode about 20 billion tons of soil and rock debris from the continents, depositing them on the ocean floor.
Ravioli: That’s a huge amount of material!
Banani: I would never have imagined!
Paco: Here’s the point, friends. Most of this material accumulates as loose sediments near the continents. Yet, the average global thickness of all these sediments over the entire ocean floor does not even exceed 400 meters (1,300 feet).
Some sediments are removed as tectonic plates slowly slide (a few centimeters per year) under the continents. It’s estimated that about 1 billion tons of sediments are removed every year this way. The net gain is therefore about 19 billion tons per year. At this rate, 400 meters of sediment would accumulate in less than 12 million years, not billions.
Banani: So basically, after 3 billion years, we shouldn’t even have seas or mountains anymore?
Paco: I couldn’t tell you that. The fact is that this evidence fits better with the cataclysm of the Flood described in Genesis, not with the idea of slow, gradual geological evolution. In the final stages of the global Flood, which lasted one year, the waters rapidly receded from the dry land, pouring their sediment loads offshore. Thus, most ocean floor sediments accumulated rapidly about 4,300 years ago.
Banani: But maybe sediments were deposited more slowly in the past than today!
Paco: That “rescue device” doesn’t hold up, Banani! Like the sedimentary layers on the continents, the sediments on continental shelves and margins — which make up most ocean sediments — show features that clearly indicate deposition much faster than current rates.
Ravioli: In other words, the exact opposite!
Paco: Exactly. For example, the layering and grain size distribution in these sediments are identical to those produced by underwater landslides, when dense, debris-laden currents (called turbidity currents) rapidly flow over continental shelves, depositing thick sediment layers over large areas.
Another problem for the old-Earth theory is that there is no evidence of a significant amount of sediment being subducted and mixed into the Earth’s mantle.
Part 16/19
Incriminating Phrases
The video from the hidden recording resumes. The room is still empty after the argument between Chantilly and her mother. Ottavio is perched on the back of the sofa, absentmindedly cleaning one foot with his beak.
The front door opens again. Papaia enters, carrying a backpack over one shoulder and talking on the phone.
Papaia (on the phone, with an agitated but playful tone):
Listen, they’ve been bothering me all year with this library schedule thing… The life is mine, okay? If I want to stay home building models, who’s gonna tell me otherwise?!
He stops in the middle of the room, looks around for a moment, and continues on the phone, now with a more theatrical tone.
Papaia:
So… take this! Highest score at the modeling tournament, and you stay quiet!
A laugh is heard from the other end of the phone.
Papaia:
Haha, come on, see you tomorrow. Bye!
Papaia leaves the room, the backpack bumping lightly against the door. Silence for a moment.
Ottavio slowly turns his head toward the camera, like an actor aware of having an audience.
Ottavio (imitating Chantilly’s voice):
The life is mine, and I do whatever I want!
Ottavio (perfectly imitating Papaia’s voice):
The life is mine, huh? So… take this!
Part 17/19
Ottavio’s Revenge
The video continues, the shot still fixed from Papaia’s hidden camera. The audio records the rustle of an apparently empty room.
In the background, Chantilly’s new dress is still visible—elegant, flashy, hanging on a thin hanger on a bookshelf. It looks like a trophy on a runway.
Above it, on a higher shelf, there is a jar of glossy red paint sealed with a plastic lid. It’s been there a few days: Papaia just finished repainting the walls and hasn’t put everything away yet.
Suddenly, a shadow passes in front of the lens.
Ottavio Diamante XIII enters the scene, flying gracefully and silently. He grabs the shelf with his claws, right next to the jar. He looks around, then gently pushes the jar with his side, aligning it perfectly with the dress hanging below.
Ottavio (imitating Chantilly):
The life is mine… and I do whatever I want!
He starts tapping the jar’s lid with his beak until he manages to pull it off with a sharp flick.
Ottavio (imitating Papaia, in a perfectly dramatic tone):
The life is mine, huh? So… take this!
With one last decisive tap, he pushes the jar over the edge: the paint spills, slow and relentless, cascading directly onto Chantilly’s new dress.
Ottavio watches his work with a satisfied peck… then flies down from the furniture, returns to perch on the back of the sofa, fluffs his feathers, and stays there, still and innocent.
Silence. As if nothing happened.
Part 18/19
Papaia Framed
The video starts again. The door suddenly opens. Chantilly rushes into the room, followed by her mom, both talking animatedly.
Chantilly stops, eyes wide. Still hanging on the bookshelf, the dress is covered in red paint, which is still dripping onto the floor.
Chantilly
My dress! It’s all covered in paint. What happened? 🤣
Mom
Look there, on the shelf. The paint jar.
Chantilly
But it was sealed. Someone took the lid off.
Mom
Who did it?
Chantilly (furious)
It was you! To stop me from going out with Josh!
Mom (shaken)
Me?! I wasn’t even in this room!
Chantilly (crying)
Stop lying! I know you don’t want to see me happy! 🤣
Mom (offended)
Are you crazy?! What are you saying?!
A voice interrupts them. Metallic. Mocking. Coming from above.
Ottavio Diamante XIII, proud on the back of the sofa, tilts his head slightly and…
Ottavio (imitating Chantilly)
The life is mine… and I do whatever I want!
A moment of silence. Then again, the same tone, but this time it’s Papaia’s voice:
Ottavio
The life is mine, huh? So… take this!
A flap of wings, and he flies away fluttering with fake innocence.
Zoom on Mom’s face, which slowly twists into a mask of suspicion, anger, and condemnation. She turns toward the camera (unaware it’s recording) and shouts furiously offscreen:
Mom (shouting)
Papaaaaiaaaa!!!
The video cuts off. Black screen.
Igor
“My dress”… “what happened to it”?
… He was jealous of the tablecloth and tried to be more lively. 🤣
… He was trying to disguise himself as barbecue sauce. For his own reasons. 🤣
… He wanted to fake being hurt to avoid going out with Chantilly. 😅
… The dress saw Josh and threw up paint. 🤣
… It was just a dress. But now it’s a legend. 🤣
… It said ‘the life is mine and I do whatever I want!’ 🤣
… It chose freedom. And it ended badly. 🤣
… Mom doesn’t want to see Chantilly happy with Josh? Who’s the one who can’t finish sentences and talks with their chin? 🤣
… Dear Chantilly, if your mom didn’t want to see you happy, she would’ve just ironed your dress and handed you to Josh! Now THAT would be hate! 🤣
Part 19/19
Ottavio for Science
Back to Faggioli’s office.
Faggioli (astonished):
That’s not a parrot… it’s a criminal genius with feathers. This animal should be studied! Seriously!
Papaia (shrugging):
Actually, that’s exactly what happened.
Papaia takes the phone back from Faggioli, searches for something, and hands it back.
Faggioli looks puzzled. On the screen is a website with a big title:
Ottavio Diamante XIII – The Smartest Parrot in the World
Subtitle: Property of the Center for Cognitive Neuroethology, Utrecht
As soon as Faggioli clicks, videos start playing. Ottavio solves complex transparent puzzles, opens combination jars, fits shapes into their slots, recognizes written words, and reacts accurately. In another video, he pulls a lever to free another animal in a cage—but only after carefully observing the human behaviors around him.
Papaia
They sold him to a research center. They say he has an IQ equivalent to a seven-year-old child. One of the scientists, a neuropsychologist, wrote an article… saying Ottavio acted to protect Mom. He had developed such a strong emotional bond that he perceived anyone bothering her as a threat.
Faggioli (in disbelief)
So… he sabotaged your brothers but made you take the blame?
Papaia (nodding)
He just wanted Mom never to get angry… and if he had to punish someone, it would be me. Since I was good at cleaning anyway.
Faggioli (still amazed)
This is… the craziest session of my career.
Igor
What career? 🤣
… ventriloquist career? 🤣
… or farmer? 🤣