Old-School Methods.
Three scientists—Papaia, Banani, and Ravioli—and their assistant Igor work at NASAL. When they start getting interested in creationism, their superiors send them to a psychologist for a test. The psychologist, Professor Faggioli, is a shady character determined to get them fired by making them look insane. The first to go in is Ravioli.
We’re in Professor Faggioli’s office, where Ravioli is undergoing the evaluation.
Faggioli: So, this nightmare is connected to an episode from your childhood. Do you feel like telling me about it?
Ravioli: Yes, of course. I’ll never forget what happened that afternoon at the after-school program. You see, both my mom and dad worked pretty much all day. That’s why they left me in after-school care until late…
We enter Ravioli’s flashback.
We’re in one of the elementary school classrooms Ravioli attended, where “Raviolino” is waiting for the bell to ring. Next to him is his classmate Paco.
Paco: The last five minutes! They’re the worst! They never pass! Good thing my mom is waiting for me at home with a nice plate of pasta with ragù.
Raviolino: Lucky you! I have to stay here until six in the evening! And the worst part is the after-school food that’s waiting for me!
Paco: I don’t envy you one bit. As soon as I leave, I eat and then go play in the yard. You, on the other hand… well! You’ll probably still be sitting here in front of a plate of fish with broccoli!
Teacher: Hey! You two! Cut it out and pay attention!
The bell rings. The children run out, cheering happily.
Raviolino and a few others stay seated, looking sad and hopeless. Behind him, his classmate Rick has also stayed for after-school care.
Rick: Ugh! Why can everyone else leave while we’re stuck here like we’re in a cage?
Teacher: Haven’t I told you a thousand times, Rick? Why do you keep whining? You know your parents are working to buy you the things you need.
Rick: Well! Locked in here, I don’t need much besides a torn uniform and a couple of pencils.
Raviolino: The worst is yet to come. The boiled fish, I mean.
Rick: Gross! It’s always the same story. Makes me want to puke. I’d rather end up in the hospital or in jail. At least there, maybe, the food is better.
Raviolino: My fate is always the same—sitting in front of that fish all afternoon.
Rick: I don’t know how you do it. I eat that junk just so I can get up. Staying at the desk is way worse!
Raviolino: I know, but I just can’t do it. I can’t swallow it.
The door opens. The after-school teacher walks in.
Teacher: Well, well, kids! Ready for after-school time? Follow me!
The children get up and follow the teacher into another classroom.
Raviolino: Ready? I’ll never be ready for this torture!
Rick: Shhh, Raviolino, don’t let them hear you! Last time, they gave us a double portion of fish as punishment!
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Teacher: Here we are! Sit wherever you like.
The kids slowly take their seats with the air of prisoners with no escape.
Rick: Gross! There are dozens of chewed-up gums stuck under this desk.
Raviolino: Mine’s all broken, full of stickers and doodles. I think they haven’t cleaned it since it was built.
Teacher: And you, Raviolino? What are you planning to do today? You want to end up in detention again? Make sure you eat that fish!
The flashback ends with Ravioli’s narration, and we return to Faggioli’s office.
Faggioli: Kids these days! You know, I used to eat in the dirt when my father took us to plow the fields. Now that was a strong generation! Not a bunch of softies like you!
Ravioli: Uh… yeah, professor, I can imagine…
Faggioli: But go on, they’re paying me to get rid of you…
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…I mean, to listen to you.
Ravioli: Alright. So, we sat at our desks, and they served us lunch on plastic plates. Unfortunately, the food was awful, and there were always things I didn’t like. A lot of kids refused to eat, but the teacher was strict. Either you ate, or you stayed there, sitting at your desk, staring at your full plate. So, in the end, everyone eventually finished their meal.
Faggioli: Everyone except you! Right?
Ravioli: How did you guess, professor?
Faggioli: Didn’t I tell you I know rebels like you?
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Ravioli: Yeah, you said that earlier, professor.
Faggioli: Now I’m starting to understand… and I have to say, I’m starting to like the methods of that school you went to!
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Faggioli goes off on one of his monologues.
Faggioli: Ah! Those were the good old days, when the school system worked! Personally, I preferred a good whack on the hand.
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Ah! How many whacks my classmate “Leland the Loony” used to get… And me too, I’d often go home with swollen hands! Now that was a model school.
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Faggioli gets lost in thought for a moment, reminiscing about the sadistic treatments he and his classmates endured. Then he quickly snaps back.
Faggioli: Yes, sorry Ravioli! Go on. You were saying you had to either eat everything or stay at your desk all day…
Igor later commented:
Raviolino had to choose between eating horrible food or staying seated all day.
And Faggioli? He got whacked so many times, he ended up liking it!
Forget strong roots… this “great psychologist” had strong branches… on his head!
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